Not just another pretty face, Lucia Isaura "Mirabella" Valeri, begins her first math equations after being inspired by Professor Doctor Mr Collins.
You know, dogs, reading has been hard. We have joined together. We have studied and formed renegade classes, practiced in secret while humans are away, been chastened for "tearing" paper when we are only trying to understand. Some have been pretty successful. But, dogs, let us introduce you to the concepts of math. Math can be used to describe concrete relations between objects, like distance, or quantities, like chicken, or ratios, like how many dogs does it take to overpower x number of humans? We understand physics in motion and math teaches us to keep track and write it down! Humans often use it for money, but that is silly math about things that aren't real. In the meantime, Professor Dr Mr Collins teaches us that dogs can count, we can apply to college and there is also chicken in every third can!
We also want to thank Professor Dr Mr Collins for so openly agreeing to this interview despite the danger it could bring upon his household. Should a dog see Professor Dr Mr Collins on the street, please do be respectful. Just look at how he opened the interview!
I'll start by pre-denouncing Palin and the Pope. That was easy!
INTERVIEW Translated by LIM Valeri
> Questions from dogs on the subject of maths:
>
> Do humans learn math the same way they learn speaking?
Yes, partly. It's been found that many animals (humans, dogs, monkeys,
birds, etc.) have a basic built-in "numerosity" function in the brain that
allows them to recognize 1, 2, 3, or maybe 4 different items at once. But
anything more sophisticated than that (higher numbers, adding big numbers,
multiplying, etc.) requires humans to leverage our language center to get
things accomplished. For example, learning to count past 10 is very much
dependent on how the words are formed in our particular language (easier in
Chinese, somewhat harder in English, etc.). See Sosa: "How the Brain Learns
Mathematics".
Interpretation from Lucia
This means that no one really knows how well dogs will learn math, except dogs. Unless one of us volunteers to teach this Sosa guy some scratch and sniff dialogue patterns.
> Is it likely that humans would cooperate and switch to base 4 so we can
all do
> math together?
Generally unlikely. Most humans like having 10 digits simultaneously on our
hands and in our counting system. However, advanced quantum computing system
are currently being built on the base-4 system. So you might have the best
luck cooperating with compter scientists!
Lucia: An upcoming counsel will consider this question. While as usual the humans are unwilling to budge and compromise with animal cultures, it may be possible for dogs to count base 10 with their toes and two extra claws of their front paws. However if dogs are naturally suited to computer programming... well then we'll get the SOFT experts on that and we'll just take out all the computer systems of all the banks. So dogs.. go apply for all your student loans now! We'll erase them later!
> Would you cancel your classes in protest of the bar against dogs attending
> colleges? Or would you teach a math class in an independent dog house?
I'm not sure that dogs are actually barred against attending the college
where I teach -- we have an "open admissions" policy which seems to accept
everyone. Perhaps the need for a high school diploma is a limiting factor. I
would be happy to teach independent classes in a dog house, barn, or other
alternative site.
Lucia: We are truly grateful that you are willing to do this! We will be there tomorrow at nine sharp!
> Is all math the same? Do we have to learn different maths like we learn
> different languages?
There are many different branches of math. Given the opportunity, many
beings find that they like some, and dislike others, to different personal
degrees. Each branch definitely has its own vocabulary and definitions that
we need to learn.
> What math is your favorite math?
I've come to enjoy teaching and thinking about probability and statistics.
Students usually respond well because it's the most directly applicable to
studying medicine, nursing, public health, etc. Sometimes on the first day
of class I hand out a study from my father's veterinary journal on who is
more regularly taken for checkups at the animal doctor (answer: dogs).
> How has math empowered your personal evolution?
Wow, very deep question. Here is a sketch of an answer: First of all, math
has given me the ability to more deeply understand game theory and computer
programming; and in return, those interests have given me a drive and a need
to learn more math. Secondly, math and programming have given me a
discipline, rigor, and efficiency that I did not have at one time (although
there may be some downsides to that). Third, math has given me challenges
and something deep to struggle with, and sometimes experience failure
with -- there are many days when I just downright hate math! Fourth, math
has given me a job teaching it to other people who need it, whereas at one
point I really couldn't imagine holding down any job. :-)
Lucia
Wow... Discipline, rigor and efficiency! We dogs are all over that! Well, other dogs are. I have sought a freer sort of life philosophy, but I do think many dogs must be perfectly suited to math. Congratulations on finding your true cause and perhaps you can come speak at the puppy's career day event?
> Is it possible to count all of the ants?
In theory yes (they would be a finite and therefore "countable" set), but in
practice probably no. We could, however, statistically estimate the number
of ants to a high probability of accuracy!
> I have a loan out for 22,351 dollars for something important. The
interest
> rate is 6%. How high does the interest rate have to be before my loan gets
> interesting? And how much will I pay in base 4? And I would like a
definition
> of "probability". Because I know a little math... but it just got me in
trouble.
I would say that the loan is already "interesting" (I know a cow for whom
anything over "sixteen moooney" is quite astonishing). If the loan is paid
off compounded over 20 years (for example), then I think the total payment
would be $67,625 (base 10), that is to say, $100200221 (in base 4).
A good starting definition of probability (useful for finite cases) is: for
a particular experiment, the number of ways you can succeed, divided by the
total number of ways the experiment can occur (this assumes equally-likely
outcomes). For example, I get boxes of food with 24 cans in them, 8 of which
are chicken. If I shake the box up, then reach in without looking, my chance
of getting a can of chicken is 8/24 = 1/3 = 0.33 = 33%. What this means is
that over many dinner selections, 1/3 (33%) of my dinners will come out to
be chicken (under one interpretation of probability).
Lucia:
O wow... where is this chicken? What equation makes all the cans come out chicken?
> what is the most useful math for dogs interested in the following
vocations:
> fire dog, astronaut dog that comes back alive, business dog, platonic
> philosopher dog.
(a) I might recommend statistics, to help with medical training aspects
(such as EMT licensing, which is desirable for fire staff). (b) I would
expect this to take many classes in physics, calculus, and higher math. (c)
Possibly calculus or statistics? (d) Definitely formal logic and basic
foundations of math.
LUCIA
This is most useful and I am signing up for all of these classes right away. because you may think that NASA was "shut down" but that's not what happened. wink. wink.
> What would happen if an infinite number of dogs were ruling the planet?
just
> curious....
First of all, there would be a lack-of-space problem. If we reduced the
proposal to just a very large number of dogs ruling the planet, then I think
that would be pretty awesome.
Yes yes... as soon as the silly government collapses under the weight of its own self importance..sigh...
